How to survive?

Went to buy my schbooks today and I wonder really can finish the all the chapters in 2mths time. Act the price of the book alr suggested how thick the books would be le. Avg cost for 1 book is $40 and this price if after discount le hor so yeah can imagine how ex the book was. Additionally, there are another stack of notes also lo. Sigh!

schbooks for the 1st sem

notes for the 1st sem

total amount of materials for just 1st sem

Went to change my hairstyle yesterday and my sis sayid its not nice =( Wat do u think?

not nice meh? ok ma =p

The Orientation

Yesterday was the oreintation and hmm so far still quite ok ba even I didnt really make frens there but knew a girl from my class but not considered as *fren* ba. Like my sis said. Its very diff to make real good friends under such situation lo cos we are not like sec sch or pri sch where we willl get to eat lunch or tea break tog or wat lo. There will be a break in the middle of the lecture la but I dun its will be enuff for me to know everyone from the same class when there are about 50-60 pple in ONE class. And dun think there will have time to tok during the lecture ba. So I think I will have to rely on myself le.

Anyway, the orientation lasted 3.5hrs from 9.30 to 1pm. I went off after collecting the notes for this sem. Went to wait for 67 at around 1 but I boarded the bus at 1.50. Reason being, I cant see the bus num even with a monoculars. Its not that the monoculars is useless lo. I can see the nums on SBS bus lo. So who's fault? The person who designed the buses for SMRT has to blame! How stupid brain to come out with such bus nums.

Anyway, starting sch officially on monday, 9.30, and the first lecure alr make me sian liao cos its biz mats. Sure got lots of formulas to memorise. Wish me good luck ba. =P

Orientation tml

Went rackying again today. I nearly fall asleep on the bus on my way back to Eunos. Aiyoyo! *yawnZz*

Tml is the orientation le. Scared scared. I also dunno wat I'm afraid of leh. Just have the feeling lo. Have to wake up very early tml wor. Think have to step out of the hse latest by 7.30am. Super early sia! =(

Will blog again when I comes back from orientation. Lets see how many pple I get to know tml. =)

Really damn far seh! =(

Today went rakying with my mummy and sister. Aiyoyo! It seemed like no matter which way I take hor I'll still need at least 1.5 hrs to reachthe management hse leh. Of cos, This 1.5 hrs inclusive of walking time from the bus stop to the main entrance of the sch. Bur still considered as far ma. Ok maybe my main concern is not the distance anymore but the difficulty of seeing the bus num of buses from SMRT and Transiland. The SBS onse still okok but *sobzzzzz* pian pian the bus i must take from newton stn is a SMRT bus. Tian ah! How come like that leh?! =(

I'm quite sure that I need to bring umbrella, water bottle and tissue to sch everyday. Umbrella is for rainy/sunny weather. Water bottle cos if no water I think I'll dehydrate along the way walking up to the sch. Tissue is for wiping sweat. Hmm...think the water bottle need a bigger one.

So Far!!!

I was really quite happy when I received the letter from SIM saying that I have been accepted in the diploma course and will commence sch on the 2nd July. I tot my lectures/tutorials/lessons or watever will be held at the SIM HQ where I went rackying before.

Yesterday, I received a letter from SIM and to my surprise, the letter stated that all lectures/tutorials/lessons or watever will be held at a place call The SIM Management House. So, I went to check the map and see how to get there lo. To my HORROR, the management hse is at some dunno how many main roads away from the HQ! And bare in mind that there's no bus to get there de hor. Nearest way is alight at Chinese High and WALK in. I'm regreting to choose SIM liao but no choice leh. How am I gonna survive for the next 15 mths man?!

AR!!! I HATE SIM!

Have I really forgotten?

Sat

Supposed to meet Ah Qing they all 2.30pm at Tamp MRT ctl stn de but I woke up at 2.17pm lo. Haha! End up Eunice and I went to the chalet ourselves and reached there at 6+. HaiZz...

At the RSPVH chalet

Act did nothing much there la just chat here and there. There are alot of new faces lo. Cant really remember who is who except for one. Hee. =P. Anyway, they planned a night adventure to somewhere very near to OCH. Ew! Felt a little erie when we were on top of a hill beside OCH. Heard from Eunice tt the place where the staircase beside us is leading to has alot of incent papers flying around de. AR! So kong bu! Anyway, I din stay for the whole thing to finish. Act wanted to go changi viliage de but really too late and quite tired liao so din go.

Sun

Went shopping with mummy at TM. Wa Wa Wa! Only TM only hor and we spent quite alot le. Bought a pair of sports sandles(cos my former one was being STOLEN! curse the thief), a pair of very comfortable high class slippers =P, 2 jackets-1 from converse and the other from Puma and 2-3 pairs of berms/3quarter pants. Ha! I dunno how to calculate how much we spent yesterday. =)

Surprisingly, I din think of it for the past 2 day wor. I'm sure that I'm not controlling myself not to think. The thots just din come to my mind. I think its a good sign la. Although I'm thinking of it now but I'm feeling less painful. Maybe there are many other things for me to think now ba. For e.g, sch starting soon and some other things/people...Hee =P

How much have I eaten today?

I finally received my admission letter from SIM le and I bought a little winnie the pooh bear for myself cos I was really quite happy yesterday so bought something for myself lo.

Den today, hmm my mood still quite ok leh and I really ate ALOT today. Morning dimsum and I couldnt remember how many prawn dumplings and shew mais I had, and of cos still have other dishes la.

Den dinner went back to the same restaurant and I had a whole plate of yi mian to myself, a bowl of plain rice, 1-2 sweet and sour prawn, dunno how many pieces of soya chicken, 1-2 mouth full of steamed fish, dunno how many cups of crysanthemum tea, etc etc. I think I've gained 1 or 2 kgs today and I'm feeling a bit hungry now. Haha! Pple say hua bei fen wei li liangbut I hua bei fen wei shi liang which is no good! =(

Finally, It has arrived

I think today is the best and happiest day i had since last thurs cos I finally got the admission letter from SIM.

Woke up pretty early today, naturally. I felt a little happier when I woke up this morning maybe it was because I'm gonna meet two of my good friends today. Eunice for lunch and Xiang for dinner.

Although I was feeling a little happier den yesterday, I was more happy and excited as I saw the logo of SIM on a brown coloured A4 envolope when I opened my letter box after lunch with Eunice. I really dashed home to open the envolope lo. Just for the letter's sake, I RAN hor. Anyway, am very happy la.

I really felt much much much better when I saw the letter. Maybe the glimpse of hope was laid on that letter its just that I din noticed it. Well, now I'll have to start prepare for the new environment, pple and life.

I hope that this will be a helping path for me to regain my confidence and strength.

Anyway, will be having orientation on the 26th and den starting sch officially on the 2nd. Wish me good luck! =)

Happy Birthday To Myself

Now is past midnight. Today is 12th June.

Happy Birthday to myself.

But I dun feel the excitment and joy in myself.

My Birthday Wishes:

• my family and friends to be happy and healthy always
• receive the letter from SIM soon
• get into SIM
• forget all the unhappiness
• to have strength to move on again

I'm not sure how many of my wishes can come true but...

I actually received smses from my friends this morning...erh...I saw them in the afternoon tho cos I woke up at 2pm hee. Anyway, one of them sent me a super long sms wishing me happy birthday and meanwhile ask me to have hope in life. I noe we should live this way, never let ourselves be defeated but sometimes things just dosent happen the way u wanted or wished. Anyway, it was a very encouraging sms tho. Thanks for everything! I will definitely stand right up again but tt will depend on when I can find the glimpse of hope u mentioned in ur sms.

For now, I'm, basically, interested in nothing except waiting for the letter to arrive. Will it ever arrive, I have no idea.

If nothing had ever happened, I'm can tell u that I will definitely enjoy myself today but I just cant find the excitement despite it is my 21st birthday today. I noe it very clearly that its a special day for me but I just find it a very normal day. Usually, I will find friends to go out for shopping/ktv etc etc on my birthday but I just din felt like doing anything. Not even stepping out of the hse. I just wanna stay at home play my stupid and boring sims2, just like other normal day. I just feel the usual ME.

This afternoon when I took out the piece of cake which has the big 21 on it , I felt abit sad No more the usual happy feeling when I see my birthday cake, specially made for my sake. I dunno how to explain it but somehow, I'm not willing to eat the cake, not sure isit bcos its very nicely decorated or isit I hate the feeling of being older by a yr and means any unhappy things I'll have to understand it myself and no one can ever understand how I feel. I dunnno wat am I talking about le.I will never forget the feeling, never in my life. I just cant find the strength to pick up anything.

I really dunno how long will this last. I'm feeling abit frustrated by myself being so..........i dunno wat to describe it. Until now, I can still remember the scene, the words, the feelings. It hurts whenever these memories come into my mind.

My Birthday Chalet

It was my 21st bday chalet last nite. It wasnt the exact day but yeah I celebrated it 2 days in advance. I felt quite excited the night before and more yesterday of cos.

We reached the chalet at 3pm and the weather was SUPER DAMN hot. Anyway, I din bring any of my shower cream or shampoo there so I CANNOT bathe! How poor thing! Was shocked to receive an sms from Suzhen saying that they will be reaching in maybe 20mins and its only 3.30pm. Very early tho but it was great cos got pple accompany me. As we were playing some card games, I received another sms but it was from GTK and he told me he have a sudden appt so he wont be able to make it. I was quite angry tho cos he was the first few to tell me that he will be coming and he end up flew my kite. HaiZz

As my relatives arrived, Eunice, Xiao Xiang etc also arrived. Den the buffet started. The food was not as bad as wat Xiang had told me about. I particularly like the beancard and the *yu tiao*. Anyway, I just walked here and there socialising and taking photos until the cake appear. Hee...waited very long le cos it was black forest flavoured. My favourite! :P The cake looked great! Very nicely decorated and I love it!

Den it was the cake cutting ceremony. Very hard to describe the feeling at that moment. The moment when I laid the knife onto the surface of the cake, I felt a sudden hmm haha dunno how to explain. But I'm really very very happy to have so many pple celebrating for me. I'm really greatful to them! Especially to those who have been there for me all the time and especially at times when I'm down and sad. U know who u are :P

I'm really very happy but well, I still can remember the feeling I felt on Thursday. Yup of cos I did try not to recall back to wat happened tt day but the memory just dun wanna let me off. It is still following me wherever I went. Although there were many pple at the chalet and I was the main character of the night, I cant feel the importance of myself being the birthday girl. Maybe the matter lies in myself of not being able to let go. But sometimes I will think y should I let go when I have not done anything wrong. But I think that's an excuse to push the blame to others. Apparently, I still think the problem lies on me. Well, I wont cry anymore but if u wan me to be really really as happy as before, I have to say sorry I cant do it. I can smile widely in front of u but dun expect me to be like before, as cheerful, as positive. I'm starting to accept the reality of this world, how is the world looking at me. Last time I will say'just dun bother how pple looks at u' but I wont say such dumb and crap things now.

I dun think anyone or anything can help me with anything now. I think I just needs time to get well and regain strength again. If u ask me to get another job again, I'll tell u straight into ur face *NO*. Maybe u'll say I'm timid but well, I'm not afraid of being a timid anymore. Wanting me to face the same thing again=asking me to kill myself.

All the pple at the chalet wished me happy birthday but I'm finding it a feng ci cos I think I'm not gonna have a happy birthday this year. Pple say the 21st year of ur life represents that u're an adult and does tt means I have to accept anything craps or nonsense so that I'll be called a *matured* person? If thats the case, den I rather be a kid forever so that I no need to go through things which I'm not wishing to go through.

Well, the chalet photos were uploaded so pls view below:

After 15hrs of sleep

I slept after posting my previous entry at about 9.30, Feeling down, mentally tired. Didnt want to do anything so might as well sleep. I think only by sleeping, I can gain strength again. Or this is the excuse that I'm giving myself to avoid facing the fact and reality. I dunno. I'm trying hard not to think about it but well, I think I need more time.

Although I had 15hrs of sleep last nite, I'm still feeling tired. Felt like lying on the bed for the whole day and not doing anything but I still have to go for my violin lesson.

Before yesterday, I actually looked forward to Sunday but I cant find the espiration in it now. Now, to me, it will just be a tired day.

Actually, the only think I'm interested to do now is to go for a luxurious shopping. But well, dun have much capital to do tt. So can forget about it.

To: Eunice and Xiao Xiang,
I'm feeling better now le. No worries! :) I shall say, tears really have healing powers! Sentence extracted from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and physically tested by myself. :)

How Pathetic...

Yesterday was the interview. Was nervous, scared, stressed, etc etc... But when the person asked me if I can start work immediately as a try out for 1 or 2 days to see if I'm suitable for the position, I was very happy and excited, and of cos a little stressed.

Basically, the day went by very fast and smoothly. But for today, I felt totally useless and stupid! I can spend 2.5 hrs to blanko+figuring how to operate the photocopier+zapping 5 copies of docs. Can anyone of u imagine? I'm jus tt slow, stupid, useless, etc etc...

Actually, I'm not surprised when Jacklyn told that KH feels that I'm not suitable for the position and told me that I need not come for work tml. Although I'm not surprised, I still felt abit down. I'm not even sure how to paste a postate note! How dumb!

I let out my feelings to Xiang during lunch and she asked me to think positively. It could be that KH is just testing my confidence. But I dosent really agree with her and I was told not to come tml only in the late afternoon lo so my 6th sense was right! Cos if I were KH, I wouldnt want to employ someone like me..

I dunno wat to say. Really dunno. If I say I'm ok with it of cos I'm faking. Or I shall say, I faked an OK face to Jacklyn. Actually I tot I was prepared with it even before this but I still cant stop thinking that I'm good for nothing. How simple the job is and can take hrs to complete it. I shall be greatful if they ask me to come tml.

Although I dun really like this job but I'm interested in gaining some experience at least. But 2 day... Only 2 day, wat experience have I gained? Nothing! I just get to know that I'm such an idiot. I hate this feeling! But I have no idea how I can chase these uneasiness away.

I can say that I've really did my very best. I' not blaming them for this but blaming myself. Cant even do simple stuff like this. Just feel like not talking to anyone and hide myself. I noe that my family is trying not to feel anything about it but...but...I jus cant stop myself, stop my tears from coming to my eyes. I'm trying hard to control them. I'm trying and keeps on trying!

Although I'll still be paid for the 2 days but by thinking of this will not make me feel any better. I just feel that this year's birthday will not be a happy one for me. Maybe u will find it kua zhang but I'm serious. And furthermore, I havent receive SIM"s letter. I dunno wat I'm supposed to do now. I'm lost!

first day at work

1st day at work. very tired.

How will the interview turn out?

Gonna go for the interview at Xiao Xiang's company tml. I wonder how will it turn out. Frankly speaking, I'm not very confident with it. At least for the point that my eye condition will deduct marks ba. Well, shun qi zi ran ba although I will still feel abit nervous cos at least this is the first time going for an interview.

Today my sister and her husband came back from Sri Lanka le. Went dinner with them after they came out from the custom at T2 Sakae. AR!!! The boiling water spilled onto my hand! OUCHIE! So pianful! My tears immediately came to my eyes lo.

I felt like buying a new bicycle for myself leh. All thanks to my mum. Gave away my former bike lo. haiZz...I dun care! I'm gonna buy a new one for myself! Nobody is to touch it without my permission! Not even my family! Hee!I love my former bike de lo.

Today is 5th June le! I still havent receive the admission letter from the stupid SIM! How inefficient! Cant understand y they need to take such a long time to send tt pathetic letter.

My Celebrity Look-alikes

No subject for this post cos I dunno wat to put leh.

Have been staying at home these few days. Nothing to do leh. Until now I still havent buy S.H.E's album. Aiyo...Very lazy to go out. But when I want to go and buy, the shop always say out of stock le. Choy! No fate between the album and me. Hee! Ok tml gonna meet Eunice and Claire for lunch so will go de.

Today I woke up super early wor, 5+am. Haha! Siao rite. HaiZZ...Den surf net lo. Den when I was having my breakfast, my daddy called home and told us that he won a bicycle. Some very high quality and can clumb mountain de. That was the grand prize wor. Haha! So heng. But I think Im gonna sell it away cos very big lo. Very *tin tei*(in hokien). But I will play with it for a few days before selling it away. Hee!

Initially, I dun want to organise anything for my bday de but, however, my mum went to the costa sands to book le. Well, since booked so celebrate lo. Was looking at the cake designs of Emicakes. Saw some very cute de but not for 21st bday de leh. Those I like de are for babies de. *sigh* Saw a mahjong de but my sister say dun wan. humph!

Tml is 4th June le. I suppose the letter will arrive tml ba. :)

1st Day Of June

Today is the 1st of June le. Think I'm going to receive the reply from SIm soon le. Actually I cant really remember wat the person has told me about when I will receive the reply. I'm pretty sure is June la but not sure is early June or mid June. Hmm...my 6th sense tell me that it will be early June cos the commencement of the term is July ma so I presuem its early June. They cant expect the students to be prepared within 2 weeks if its mid June ba.

Recently, Kiyoko told me that her company need temp admin and asked me to call up the HR person. I called her le den she asked me to email her my CV and now 2 days le. No reply. Kiyoko say that maybe the person incharge will ask me to go down for interview tml...I mean today cos now is 1st June le. But dunno they will call anot leh.