Happy Birthday To Myself

Now is past midnight. Today is 12th June.

Happy Birthday to myself.

But I dun feel the excitment and joy in myself.

My Birthday Wishes:

• my family and friends to be happy and healthy always
• receive the letter from SIM soon
• get into SIM
• forget all the unhappiness
• to have strength to move on again

I'm not sure how many of my wishes can come true but...

I actually received smses from my friends this morning...erh...I saw them in the afternoon tho cos I woke up at 2pm hee. Anyway, one of them sent me a super long sms wishing me happy birthday and meanwhile ask me to have hope in life. I noe we should live this way, never let ourselves be defeated but sometimes things just dosent happen the way u wanted or wished. Anyway, it was a very encouraging sms tho. Thanks for everything! I will definitely stand right up again but tt will depend on when I can find the glimpse of hope u mentioned in ur sms.

For now, I'm, basically, interested in nothing except waiting for the letter to arrive. Will it ever arrive, I have no idea.

If nothing had ever happened, I'm can tell u that I will definitely enjoy myself today but I just cant find the excitement despite it is my 21st birthday today. I noe it very clearly that its a special day for me but I just find it a very normal day. Usually, I will find friends to go out for shopping/ktv etc etc on my birthday but I just din felt like doing anything. Not even stepping out of the hse. I just wanna stay at home play my stupid and boring sims2, just like other normal day. I just feel the usual ME.

This afternoon when I took out the piece of cake which has the big 21 on it , I felt abit sad No more the usual happy feeling when I see my birthday cake, specially made for my sake. I dunno how to explain it but somehow, I'm not willing to eat the cake, not sure isit bcos its very nicely decorated or isit I hate the feeling of being older by a yr and means any unhappy things I'll have to understand it myself and no one can ever understand how I feel. I dunnno wat am I talking about le.I will never forget the feeling, never in my life. I just cant find the strength to pick up anything.

I really dunno how long will this last. I'm feeling abit frustrated by myself being so..........i dunno wat to describe it. Until now, I can still remember the scene, the words, the feelings. It hurts whenever these memories come into my mind.