How Pathetic...

Yesterday was the interview. Was nervous, scared, stressed, etc etc... But when the person asked me if I can start work immediately as a try out for 1 or 2 days to see if I'm suitable for the position, I was very happy and excited, and of cos a little stressed.

Basically, the day went by very fast and smoothly. But for today, I felt totally useless and stupid! I can spend 2.5 hrs to blanko+figuring how to operate the photocopier+zapping 5 copies of docs. Can anyone of u imagine? I'm jus tt slow, stupid, useless, etc etc...

Actually, I'm not surprised when Jacklyn told that KH feels that I'm not suitable for the position and told me that I need not come for work tml. Although I'm not surprised, I still felt abit down. I'm not even sure how to paste a postate note! How dumb!

I let out my feelings to Xiang during lunch and she asked me to think positively. It could be that KH is just testing my confidence. But I dosent really agree with her and I was told not to come tml only in the late afternoon lo so my 6th sense was right! Cos if I were KH, I wouldnt want to employ someone like me..

I dunno wat to say. Really dunno. If I say I'm ok with it of cos I'm faking. Or I shall say, I faked an OK face to Jacklyn. Actually I tot I was prepared with it even before this but I still cant stop thinking that I'm good for nothing. How simple the job is and can take hrs to complete it. I shall be greatful if they ask me to come tml.

Although I dun really like this job but I'm interested in gaining some experience at least. But 2 day... Only 2 day, wat experience have I gained? Nothing! I just get to know that I'm such an idiot. I hate this feeling! But I have no idea how I can chase these uneasiness away.

I can say that I've really did my very best. I' not blaming them for this but blaming myself. Cant even do simple stuff like this. Just feel like not talking to anyone and hide myself. I noe that my family is trying not to feel anything about it but...but...I jus cant stop myself, stop my tears from coming to my eyes. I'm trying hard to control them. I'm trying and keeps on trying!

Although I'll still be paid for the 2 days but by thinking of this will not make me feel any better. I just feel that this year's birthday will not be a happy one for me. Maybe u will find it kua zhang but I'm serious. And furthermore, I havent receive SIM"s letter. I dunno wat I'm supposed to do now. I'm lost!